My Story Part 15

 I filed for divorce in May 2011. I started seeing a random guy I met one night. He was not too happy when he heard. One night my new boyfriend and I  had ordered some food to take home to eat and watch the movie and chilled at home. He was blowing my phone up all night with random fucked up text threatening me, threatening my boyfriend, just talking shit. He had relapsed and was strung out on heroin. We go to bed in my bedroom and my son was asleep in his bed in my bedroom it was kind a hot in there so we open the window and fell sleep. I woke up to see in like flashes I’m hearing some noises of things falling over by my window. I jumped up trying to figure out what the fuck. I called the cops to report someone trying to break in my pad. Cops come by a little while later and say they found him not to far from my pad. He was still texting me from the back of the cop car asking for me to not have him arrested. Apparently he must of had a sudden memory loss of what he was just texting me a few hours earlier.

They end up taking him to jail. I go down to courthouse and file restraining order. Because our son was an infant and that was the only thing he was fighting on the restraining order, the judge order that I allow supervised visits through a mutal friend. He’s back on the heroin and only had A handful at the most to visit. He’s fighting the case from trying to come to my window and ends up taking a plea bargain for tampering with the witness that was for texting me after they already arrested him. The county was apparently done messing with him and sent him to prison I don’t remember how much time he got.

During that time I had busting my ass working and doing classes for my CADC. I ended up giving certified and actually end up signing up take my level two certification but ended up missing my testing.

When he went to prison I seen that as my opportunity to get my son out of here and away from him. So we moved to Southern California where I had a job waiting for me in cathedral city. I found a room to rent from some girl in thermal.

I finally had surgery on my right shoulder it was messed up from breaking my collar bone in the car accident Evan died in. I traded my stick shift vehicle in for a 2012 Dodge Advenger. I loved that car it was nice. Most importantly it was automatic so that when I had surgery a few days later I wouldn’t be stuck at home and could get bought the car July 5, 2013 and by August 5, 2013 I was loading up my vehicle with what my son and  I was taking to start our new life in California. I left seaside Oregon and drove to my aunt’s place in Reno, NV. Where my son and I spent the night.

The next day we get up and I get ready to take off and my cousin tells me to just leave my son until I get settled in California the come get him. Because I did not know the girl where I was renting a room, I had no daycare set up for him. So I end up leaving my son in Reno and take off to Vegas for the next stop. Idk I was there it least a week. I was due to start my new job on a Monday I stayed in Vegas until the friday before I started.

I guess my family was convened I wasn’t even going to show up in Cali for my new job. But it was already set in my mind to show up in person, to fuck my job off. So after 5 days in Vegas, off to Cali I go.

To be continued....

My Story Part 14

So my world revolves around my baby girl and my front desk job at this local motel. Life is boring but it’s good. Stable, it was something new for me. I was finally learning to do things right in life. I learned how to slow down my fast paced lifestyle I was used to. I worked hard to get on my feet and clean up a lot of the damages from before.

My daughter’s father ended up getting sentenced to 6 years federal prison. So he was not around except through cards, letters and jail calls. When my daughter was about a year old his wife had seen a picture of her and knew that was his kid. He could deny her any longer to her. Twice I sent him papers for paternity test to prove she was his but both times he signed acknowledgement of paternity. He knew.

Around this time I start seeing a local doctor for pain in my ‘right shoulder’. They can’t seem to figure it out so they just write me scripts for pain pills. So I thought that was ticket to a legal high. So I begin popping pain pills.

Well I didn’t know that his wife was pregnant at the same time and had their son 10 days after my daughter was born. I spend many years trying to make admends to his wife because I was totally wrong in the situation and after getting clean and sober I really felt bad about my part of it. What a shitty person I was! Which I really struggled with because as much as I regretted it and felt bad, I was grateful for my baby girl who made me wanna life life again.

I started trying to build some type of open communication with his wife so that my daughter could have a chance to get to know her father’s side of family. In 2007 I completed my 3 years post prison supervision in Oregon. There officially wasnt anything holding me to Oregon. I had earned my very first week paid vacation from work so I put in to use it and maximize it by adding my two days off before and after so I ended up with 12 days off or something like that. I booked a airline ticket and a rental car to Arizon to see my best friend from high school.

I also ended up driving to New Mexico to take my daughter to meet her half brother and her father’s wife. It was cute to see them those two together. As awkward as you’d think it should of been for us to meet up and even share a motel room for the night and let the kids hang out, it really wasn’t. It was nice to see his wife and son accepting my daughter.

So after spending my paid vacation in Arizona I decided to come back and put in my two week notice and move to Arizona. So I pack up our whole two bedroom apartment and send it all with a moving company and I drive my car with my daugher and I to Arizona. We stayed with my best friend, her husband, and their daughter.

With a fairly recent ‘possession of c/s with intent to sell meth’ felony conviction on my record finding a job was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. I looked for months and months for employment and had such a hard time. I needed to put my daughter in daycare but how do you do that when you don’t have a job to pay for it and just interviews. It sucked for a while there. I also didn’t have the pain pill script I was used to having so I’m sure that might of contributed to my struggles there.

So I’m walking in Walmart with my daughter who was around 3 at this time and she’s holding my hand and looks up at me and says ‘mama, can you buy me a daddy?’ My Heart was crushed. I decided that no matter how fucked of a situation she came from it was her right to form her own option and it was on him to build a relationship with her. (I was so offended from him trying to deny her to his wife I had stopped writing him and sending him pics of our daughter)

So that evening I wrote him a letter and told him she wanted to know him. So we start communicating again and my daugher is amazed that her ‘daddy’ has a voice to put with all the letters and cards. I got a call from his wife saying she didn’t want to be with him when he got out and asking me to give him a shot to let him be apart of our daughter’s life. So him and I entertained the idea of him and I actually being together. So we start building this ‘relationship’ and getting to know each other better.

So I gave up and called my step dad and told him I wanted to go back to Oregon. It was to hard without any help to raise my daughter with no one. I realized how much my mom helped me with my daughter, well in every other way I needed as well. So he came down and loaded me and al of our stuff up and he drove our stuff as I followed in my car back to Oregon. I luckily was able to get my front desk job back and returned to work full time right away after returning.

I booked a flight to Florida where he was being held at in a federal prison and I booked 4 days of visits with him. Because we were flying all the way from Oregon they allowed me to do four back to back days of visits with him. So I book a flight, reserve a rental car and room in Florida. I take my daughter to meet her father in federal prison when she was 3. It was amazing to see her interacting with him. He insisted we take lots of pics.

On the third day of visits towards the end of it they make all the inmates line up on one side of the room and the visitors on the other side. It was over an hour before we were even able to leave. When we finally were able to walk out of the prison doors there were two armed guards with rifles one on each side. There was three medical helicopters on the grass to the right. I knew something went down and the Severity of the situation kind of hit.

So needless to say the visit for the fourth day was canceled and the prison would not allow it. For whatever reason he spends the next year in the hole and gets sent to another prison due to whatever involvement was suspected. Which would trip me out cause he was literally in visit with my daughter and I when that riot went down, how was he connected to it?! So we fly back to Oregon.

At this time I start to mess around with my second son's father. With him it was never ment to be anything because he was like a doormat for me. My daughter's father was coming up on being released soon and I backed out of him coming to oregon. I Told him to go home to his wife. They had to much history. I knew she was the one that truly loved him and that's where he belonged. There was something, after all the years and bullshit they still held on to each other and I knew I'd never compare. He was so upset with me.

So I'm messing around with this dude that is to this day the dumbest one I've ever met. He's struggling with staying off the heroin and meth which obviously caused ALOT of issues. I guess bottom line is I never had any respect for him. 

My daughter and I go to new Mexico for my best friend's wedding. I took a test to see if I was pregnant it came up negative. Generic rite aid brand test. So we go to new Mexico and when I came back I took another test and sure as shit that shit came back positive this time. I remember being upset about it but thought that since he it least attempted to be in his first son's life that it least this baby would have his father. 

So I settled on trying to make it work with him. We go to courthouse and get married. Defanitly not my proudest moment or smartest choice. By this time I'm doing well at my job and have made it through two owner changes and was in the general manager position for the property. I start working the weekends at a substance abuse treatment center in Astoria for extra money since I now was expecting another baby. 

I was in my 7th month of pregnancy and had ended up quitting the motel to work full time at the treatment center. I help get my 'husband's a job there so I could take three months off to stay home with baby and he could cover the Bill's. I'm in my 8th month and all of a sudden I have two incidents where two separate female patient's try to physically fight me at 8 months pregnant. So they move me to intake & UR office and I'm doing some accounts payable stuff with the HR lady. 

I work up until 4 days before my scheduled c- section. My new baby had his own brand new nursery I had put together for him with everything being brand new more then enough stuff for him. He was by far the most prepared for baby I've had.

April 5, 2011 I had a 7lb 8oz baby boy. He was healthy and a good baby. We want a quite baby, very content. When he was about two weeks old his father was working swing shifts at the treatment center. 

I'll never forget it was a Wednesday and I'm talking to my mom on the phone, (who also worked at the same treatment center), and I tell her that I think he's cheating. Because no matter what he never would be home before 3am. I just had a gut feeling. Well two days later hes getting ready to head to Portland to pick up his other son for the weekend and he gets called into work to get fired because it had came out ye was fucking like 6 of the women who was there for detox before they got moved to the women's facility. 

That's why the two females tried to attack me when I was pregnant, they both was fuckin him. There were some sick women there. One would cut herself and put the blood on her lips like lipstick. Another one was textbook Skitsopheric. That's when it hit me how sick he had to be in the head. I knew at that time I had to protect my son because he obviously had some issues.

I was so embarrassed, I can't even begin to describe how I felt, it was just fuckef up. To make matters worse hes still trying to deny it to me. Hes refusing to get out of my house. Even though he didn't pay for shit and nothing was his there cops couldn't make him leave. So I go back to work and they feel sorry for me so they let mr bring the baby to work with me. So until he was 3 months old my son would hang out in the intake office with me while I worked.

Then one day i had enough and i was on my way out the door and he wanted to say something stupid so i March my son in his infant seat over to the house next door where my grandma was and set him down and tell my grandma 'watch him' I storm back to my house and get into  huge fight with him. I end up calling his aunt to make him leave, I'm telling him take all his shit he brought but that's it. Ye finally getc out and I refuse to allow him back in. 

To be continued...

My Story Part 13

So I ended up stealing a kitten (to pretend I’m so attached to) to take to Oregon with me. So I pack up my fully furnished two bedroom apartment. I move into a weekly. I get the call from my PO to go see him. He was expecting the clean ua he requested in order to let me go on interstate compact post prison supervision to Oregon. I remember dreading going in there, cause I knew I was still dirty and didn’t know if he would really use that to not let me go. Hell at the same time I didn’t even really care cause I really didn’t even wanna go anyways.

He gives me my travel pass, check in instructions for when I get to Oregon and a timeline of two weeks to get to Oregon and check in. Well shit just got real. I start to panic because I’m really leaving. My mom told me I had to buy my own place ticket. But I couldn’t seem to come up with the money to save my life. I move all of my belongings from one place to another and then from there to there. I dump 4-5 boxes off to be mailed to Oregon.

The two weeks come and goes. My po calls me and says he’s in the process of revoking my probation and sending me to prison because I still was fucking around and hadn’t even left yet. I plead with him to give me 24 hours, he states he has no control over if Oregon will accept me coming late. So I’m in full panic mode. I got some guy to let me borrow his truck. Cause I’ve got to move my shit one final time. I have the back of this truck loaded with my stuff to drop off to have it mailed to Oregon. My friend was exposed to go pay for it but never did. So I pretty much lost everything anyways.

One of the boxes I had paid to be mailed was a box full of Evan’s photos, well all the big 8x10’s, there were some that were the only copy of those photos. Well when I ended up dumping that load of my stuff to be mail that wasn’t paid for yet the boxes I paid for ends up getting mixed up with one I didn’t pay for. So I ended up losing all of those pics. I was beyond devastated. Luckily I paid for insurance on the box.

I got this truck loaded with the last load of my stuff to dump off at the mailbox place to be mailed. But I’m going to miss my flight if I go drop it off. So I pick up my friend and have her drop me off at the airport so I don’t miss my flight. She was exposed to drop my stuff off and return the truck.

So I’ve got my kitty I could not leave without. We board the plane and off to Oregon we go. I was expecting to be returning to my mom and step dad still getting drunk and high and living how they always had. It was completely different when I got there. When I got to Oregon I was introduced to AA/NA. I definitely had no idea the changes they had made. My mom was raising my step dad’s baby he had with someone else as a result of an affair. She had been raising the baby since she was 3 months old. Her birth mother claims she never had a ‘bond’ with the baby and let my mom adopt her. Which Im grateful to finally have a sister, even though she’s 22 years younger then me and 11 months older then my daughter.

My mom picks me up from the airport. I don’t remember much after that cause I swear I must of slept for 3 months. Being woke up for drs appointments and to check in with probation. Oregon could of refused to let me stay because I was late getting here but luckily they didn’t.

I swear I couldn’t get enough sleep or food. I went from arriving here 6 months pregnant and not even looking like I was pregnant to having my scheduled c-section 97 days after I got to Oregon and having a 7lb healthy baby girl. I wasn’t ok with even having a baby until one night a few nights before she was born I had a dream and in my dream Evan was telling me it was ok to have another baby.

I used to be one of those judgements people talking shit about females using while they were pregnant. Then all of a sudden there I am unable to stop getting high while I was pregnant. Another lesson learned in not judging people. You really don’t know what you’d do until your in a situation...

December 7, 2004  I went in and checked in at the hospital for my scheduled c-section. Something inside of me changed that day. I had a healthy 7lb baby girl who absolutely stole my heart and made me fell in love and want to live again. She was the most beautiful babygirl. After starting school 7 days after my c-section with Evan there was no way I wanted to start working or anything for a while. I didn’t want to miss anything with her.

I think it was about a year later when she was 9 months old I finally got a job. I remember applying at this motel twice and the second time I got an interview, with the owner and he’s looking at my unstable job history and makes some comment about how he doesn’t think I’ll work out but that he’s willing to give me a shot anyways. Thank god because that’s all I needed was someone to give me a chance. I was excited to start working at the front desk of this motel.

It took s little over a month to pay off the $1300 I had to pay to get my license reinstated. I wrote a bad check to DMV off my discover card 3-4 years earlier for $300 something for plates for my car.

To be continued...

My Story Part 12

So I get out on `my dude`s` birthday. He was 5-6 years older then me. He had been on the run from a three year prison term he already agreed to. The day he was scheduled to turn himself in, he decided to go on the run. Exactly a year to the day he gets caught up and arrested. He had been the one who protected me the last three years. He was the one i`d go to if I needed anything. He`d bitch about it but he always did it.

I remember he took me to meet one of his connects. Well we got into a fight, he ended up breaking my cell phone. I had borrowed this guy`s car, he'd usually let me use it while he was at work, for a sack of course. So I take off and go to the connects, hide the car in his garage, and just posted up in the apartment with the connect. Like most dudes he thought i was kidding when i said i just needed some dope and a place to hide out. I see my dude drive by a few times looking for me. I don't even remember what the fight was about but I remember being so upset, crying.

So the connect says i can lay down in his bed, so I do. I'm laying there crying, not sure if I was more upset about the fight or my phone being broke. But the connect comes and trys to lay behind me and hold me. So I freeze for a second, he takes my hand and puts it on the smallest dick to this day I've ever felt. So I jump up and yell at him `what the fuck is wrong with you? How the fuck you gonna try to fuck some bitch crying over another dude? You think that shit is hot or what?` I get up and gather my things and leave.

I finally get to a phone to check my voice mail and my dude was leaving messages telling me to call him. How the fuck you gonna break my phone then expect me to call?!?! He ended up replacing that phone of course. Every phone gets broke he always ended up replacing, of course with a better one. Didnt matter what he did to me, I always had loyalty towards him. I even wrote him the whole three years he was down. Of course he wanted me to `wait for him`. Once I grew up and realized some shit we became really good friends.

Of course everyone ransacked his shit. It was fuckin sick. When I was finally able to speak to him he told me where a pound was hidden in his apartment. So I went after his baby mama went to get his belongings to retrieve it. We also had a storage unit we shared. I meet up with his brother to give him his belongings. I had a list of people he wanted me to collect money from that was owed to him. When he got locked up that is when I realized how much he protected me.

So right after he gets locked up I meet Manny (my oldest daughter`s father). He had a ride and I had dope to get rid of so he'd give me rides. He was persistent for sure. I finally give in and sleep with him not sure why, because I really didn't want to, I really was trying to wait for my dude in prison. I wasn't into him until I watched him bust the dude who brought a stolen car and the cops to my apartment. Then I find out he has a girlfriend who had been with since they were 15. So I knew it would never be anything but a `good time`. I really just enjoyed kicking it with him, he was fun.

I was so young, immature, and just fucked up. I still fucked with him after finding out he had a girlfriend. I thought I didnt know who she was so it didn't matter to me. I wasn't trying to keep him around. I truly was in a fucked up mindset. I feel fucked up to this day about it.

I remember one night he was giving me and a friend of mine a ride. He had to stop at his apartment, so we waited in the car. So we are smoking some dope, waiting in the car. Next thing I knew his girlfriend was jumping in the car. She tells me to stop smoking dope in her car. I was so shocked when she said she didnt smoke dope. I could wrap my mind around being with someone who didnt smoke dope to.

She was pissed and gives me a ride home. Which showed alot about the type of person she was. I don't know how she held it together and didnt fuck me up. I don't think I could of held it together as well as she did. I definitely wouldn't give two bitches sitting in my car, waiting for my boyfriend & smoking dope in my car, a ride anywhere. I used to spend alot of time wondering why she did that instead of freaking out on us, especially me. She is a genuinely good hearted person.

A few months later they get married. He was already fading and moving on to the next circle of vegas`s ratcheted ass dirty ass whores. I'd already had a falling out with them tramps over my dude before he went to prison.

In May I have sentencing for my court cases. My attorney had the combine all the charges from both arrest. A few weeks before I had to go do an interview with Clark county parole and probation. On sentencing day I finally got to see that report. It was stamped `PRISON` across the top. I hand my personal belongings to my friend who took me to court. Then a few minutes go by and as the judge is finishing up with the current inmate`s cases, I tell my friend `let's go`, I stand up to leave and just that time they call my name.

I didnt know that having a private attorney meant I'd be first called up. I froze for a minute debating if I should try to make a run for it. Then the metal dectors flash through my mind and I realized there was no getting out of that building without getting caught.

So I turn and go to the front next to my attorney. My attorney used my son's death and the fact that I had never been in trouble before to get me 3 years `post prison supervision ` . I remember when my attorney suggested drug court, i told him no fucking way, just send me to prison that's a set up. I had no intentions of giving up dope.

How the fuck did I walked out with 3 years probation for all those charges is beyond me. I defanitly didnt blame any of my charges on anyone else and I took everyone of them. I truly believe that my son Evan defanitly was putting in over time trying to protect me. Even though I was now officially on probation it didnt slow me down one bit. I kept my reckless lifestyle and poor decision making habits.

I finally pull some shit and get another apartment. I think I took over someone's lease or something. So I got this two bedroom apartment. Which had no furniture or even pictures on the walls except in my bedroom which had a deadbolt.

My stuff was in storage right before i got this apartment and someone breaks into my storage. They stole so much. It wasn't hard to figure it out. I had only let two people know where it was. So at that point my theory was `if my shit ain't safe in storage then nobody`s is`

I furnished the whole apartment from storages. Around that time I discover I'm pregnant. There was only one possibility of who knocked me up. After several failed attempts to let him know, I called his wife and said `can you tell Manny im pregant` and hung up. I was barely 21, very young and dumb. I was pissed, I was pregnant, only thing I was concerned with was how I was going to keep smoking dope.

I had no desire to have anymore kids after I lost Evan.  I felt like I was `replacing` him and that was so wrong to me. I was already so far along that abortion was not going to be an option for long. I couldn't get enough money together. So I started calling places that will adopt your baby. well needless to say they didnt want a baby from a  mother couldn't stop smoking dope.

I had checked in with my PO three times in Nevada and was dirty everytime. Couldn't get clean to save my life. I'd always tell on my self. I'd tell him I didnt know not one sober person. I'd borrow someone's car to go check in and smoke dope in the parking lot before going in. Then one visit he wants to follow me home to do a `home visit`. He said nothing about me driving with a suspended license. I called my apartment to let them know the PO was following me there. Nothing clears out a apartment them the heads up a PO is on his way.

So I finally tell my mom. When I told her I didnt want to keep it she yells at me ` you can't give my grandbaby away` so I figured she could have the baby then. So she contacts my PO and gets me interstate compacted to Oregon. My PO said pay my fines up and piss clean he`her all let me go. My mom paid my fines and I couldn't piss clean to save my life but he still let me go. Gave me two weeks to get to Oregon to check I'm with a PO in clatsop county.

I'd already been to Oregon to visit enough to know I didnt like it and it wasn't for me. So I tell my mom `i`m not coming unless my cat can come.' I was expecting her to tell me I could bring `my cat` so that was going to be my out to not go. But to my surprise she said that it was fine. Well now I had an issue, I didn't even own a cat. So now I'm on the hunt for a cat, well actually a kitten to steal to bring with me.

To be continued...

Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy Tablet

My Story Part 11

From October 24, 2001 to August 28, 2004, those years of my life is kind of a blur. I remember bits and pieces of things here and there. Probably not even them the correct order of events. Boy do I have some crazy stories, shit that you can’t even make it up type of stories. But the gist of it my whole life revolved around dope durning that time period. I avoid kids of all ages, my family, and feelings. Every single person I associated with did it, I didn’t allow anything else in my life except for the people who are similar to me and who's life revolves around it as well. At that time I was seriously was just doing dope wishing and waiting to die.

Even on the cold rough streets of Las Vegas I was able to find about a handful of people who generally cared and still had a heart and haven’t smoked their soul away yet.  I was young, very dumb, no not dumb but reckless I guess is a better word, and in a lot of ways I know a lot about the shit I should’ve known about. Like most of my life I always seem to be the one to be a little different, i definitely had a different outlook on life. But I was also delt a hand of cards in life that not many could imagine, let alone deal with.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about the craziness that my life was centered around at this time. Pretty much I’ve discovered being a whore or have  sex for money was not in my future or in my set of skills, my pretend and acting skills were non-existent. I had a hand for theft charges, so i wasn’t a very good thief. Did a little bit of fraudulent shit here and there. Stealing cars just wasn't the kind of adrenaline rush I was into. Just like with doing drugs, growing up I  pretty much was down to try anything at least once.

My first time being arrested (2002) I thought I was smarter then the cops. We were all detained in this motel room. I switch the last two numbers of my social when the cop asked for it. The cop comes back and tells me if I want to try that social security number again because I did not look like a black male. He gave me the option of giving him the correct number before he booked me into Clark County detention Center under `Jane Doe`. Me being the good liar I was, i get all upset and frustrated at him and spit out the correct social and tell him I don’t know what else to tell him that was my social and you know of course push blame on him.

I had known that I had some traffic warrants and my license was suspended, and I believe I probably also had a theft charge that was warrant.  So I’m off for my first trip to county jail. Luckily the girl I’d gotten close to on the streets had the same letter last name as me so she was going in for a 90 day probation violation,  so she was going to be there a minute and was pretty much right next to me my whole stay well my whole stay until I got transferred to Henderson jail to go to Boulder city court for a traffic warrant have gotten a year or so prior.

It was a Thursday night when I got transferred to Henderson. I’ll never forget because Boulder city only does their traffic court on Tuesdays and Thursdays, of course I have to wait all the way till Tuesday. I didn't start getting really antsy and pacing until my last night. I had slept all the time, catching up on all the sleep I had missed prior to my arrest. So of course after five days in jail on a speeding ticket I was released for those that charge with credit for time
served. I spent a total of 10 days my first arrest.

Some nice guy outside the jail releasing gates gave me $10 to take the city bus but even i was sober i couldn't even stand still long enough to wait for a bus. So I walked down boulder highway to one of my aunts to shower. Then from there walked all the way to my other aunts where I knew I could get some drugs. As soon as I got there I finally gotten ahold of one of the homies who picked me up and I was off and on another sick one again.

September 2003, I was arrested I got charged with five Felonies and a couple misdemeanors. I was in a stolen car that I just left a car stereo place from getting a deck installed because stolen or not I needed music. I had an 8 ball in my bra that I was on my way to deliever downtown. In my backpack was a number of other pipes (I had recently learned how to blow them), scale, baggies, and another 24 grams or so of meth. I had two friends with me. The one sitting in the backseat thought it would be a good idea to bring his strap even after I told him not to. Both of my friends were currently on probation. So my friend in the back with the strap was nice enough to shove the strap under my seat when we got pulled over. So needless to say I was also charged with carrying unregistered fire arm. All three of us were booked into Clark County Detention Center.

Of course the first few days I barely even know what's going on and hate having to even get out of bed. I spent 5 days in there before I was bailed out by the dude I was living with, he was kind of like a boyfriend except for the fact he fucked everyone and sold dope. Only i wasn't allowed to act like him. Oh boy he`d be pissed when i would remind him that i could do what he did. As sick as it was he was the one to show me the ropes and protect me, i loved him and in his sick twisted way he loved me.

I got out and pulled all kinds of shit off here and there to get the cash together to retain a private attorney because one of the charges alone was a mandatory 12 year prison term. Nevada was a no tolerance state and one of the charges I was being charged with was `mid-level trafficking of methamphetamines`. I was not trying to loose my freedom, I was totally down and wanted for my life to end but I definitely did not want to do that sober or in prison.

I had never been in the legal system except for traffic tickets and a couple petty theft charges. I did not know the process. I got released from jail and just assumed my attorney was doing his job handling shit. I didn't hear anything about a next court date, nothing. So just like before I got out and went right back to it.

January 2004 a friend convinces me to stop my with the current cleaning and reorganizing mission I was on in my apartment to go with her to swap meet. We start drinking, well correction I start drinking shots of tequilla and next thing I knew I was in north Las Vegas drinking tequila with some homies. I catch wind that my dude was on his way. so I tell the homegirl I need a ride home. She has her dude give me a ride. Even fucked up I knew I had to get out of there I wasn`t trying to see him. I had talked another friend into letting me `borrow` his father's strap, of course he was compensated with a nice sack. I have my friend`s boyfriend stop so I can grab this strap from my friend.

When we get back in the car my friend`s dude tells me to give him the strap to stash it, `just in case`. He had a warrant for `attempted murder` on his baby mama`s new dude. I'm like `fuck no, don't trip I'll go down with it, just like I will go down with my dope.`  for whatever reason he left it alone and started to drive me to my apartment. Not more then 2 mins from my place, in the blur of my drunkenness I see the red & blues lighten us up.

I had the blue concealed weapons permit on me but in my fucked up mind state I held back from telling the cops I had a weapon. But to my defense the cop was able to identify exactly what kind of alcohol I was consuming and asked me how much I had to drink. He asked me if i noticed the driver starting the vehicle with screwdriver and i honest God didnt or I probably wouldn't of gotten in, na I didnt wanna run into my dude pretty bad so ya I probably still would of gotten in the vehicle.

Of course I was traveling with scale, pipes, several baggies empty and ones with dope, and another firearm in my possession. So back to CCDC for a third time. I had again a ball short of an ounce, so I get hit with the same felonies I got in september. `mid-level trafficking methamphetamines`, transporting c/s, possession w/intent to sell, & unregistered firearm.

We get to the jail and I'm stalling going in like crazy. I just eat a ball of meth from my bra that they didnt find (thank God it would of turned my `mid-level trafficking into high-level tragficking`)but I also still had a pipe in my bra and knew as soon as I walked in the doors it would be another new charge.  So I tell him outside `wait, wait you missed one in my bra` well he had to call a female out to remove it and so we continue with the booking process.

This time I was taken right up to the pod they housed me in. The C.O. felt it was necessary to taunt me after he seen my charges telling me,  I was gonna get sent to smiley road for sure (women's prison). So i panicked and called my mom got her on getting me bailed out cause my dude was pissed he just spent thousands bailing me out. He felt I needed to `learn my lesson`. So my mom ends up flying out to vegas to make sure they bail me out.

I`m finally released, that was the longest 12 days of my life. I got to my first hearing with my court appointed attorney while I was in custody. He was telling me to say the strap and dope was the driver`s. He tells me `hes already going down for attempted murder, the dope and gun won't be shit to his case.` i had been on the streets long enough to know the rules and know I had to stick to my word and take the fall for my own shit like I said I would. So I inform the judge I'd like a private attorney that I didnt agree with my attorney's advice of pushing blame on the driver.

I get back on track with my attorney and have to repay him another retainer fee. I find out my previous court case, the DA had not even filed those charges because they sent my case to highway patrol for more information, and they never responded. So had I not caught those second set of charges then they would not of filed the charges against me.

My attorney calls me one day, suprised I had answered the phone, he says `cynthia? Your not in holding tank in CCDC?` I laughed thinking he was just stupid or something. He tells me they just called him from the jail saying they had me in holding cell. I tell him I wanna know who went to jail under my name. He said he'd look into it, but I never heard a thing more.

Until one evening I just woke up from sleeping 36 hours. Nice and rested I smoked and was on a good one. I start shampooing carpets in my little booty shorts. I had some aquantances over and then another aquantance  stops by, in a stolen car. So I make him leave, a few minutes later LVPD knocking on my door looking for him. Again not knowing shit about my rights or the legal system, they ask to be able to see if he really wasn't there. He wasn't, so like an idiot I let them in to look.

The one cop swears he found this blue pill he identified as a `viagra` on my carpet. I was pissed I knew at that point I had some dirty ass cops I was dealing with. I was so pissed I yelled at him `does it look like I fucking need or use viagra, that shit fell out YOUR pocket.`

They start running everyones name and to my surprise I had a warrant, I was just released from jail, then it hits me the stupid bitch who went to jail under my name obviously didn't follow up with court. Then I start scream at my mom to call my attorney. Luckily for whatever reason I had my attorney cell number.

They start tearing through my apartment, just being rude disrespectful fucks. They find all my meth bongs, I had learned to make them so I had quit the collection. They put them all in a cardboard box and smashed them up. Water was every where cause these cops were fucks and wanted to just make a mess. One of them dumped carpet freshener all over my bathroom. One cop hands my mom a box of stolen checks, credit cards, and profiles and tells my mom `you might wanna shred these`. I had a locked cabinet they got in which is where they scored three straps. They were done searching after that. They missed the ounce of dope and scale on my night stand and the 6 foot plastic drink cup from the strip that I turned into a 2 person meth bong. It required 2 people to smoke out of it. They were content with just the three straps.

They leave with the three straps and two of the people from my pad. A few hours later they both end up showing back up. One said the cop asked her `if she wanted a spanking with her pants up or down?` she probably just sucked his dick and got let go in some neighborhood. The other friend said the cop let him go right down stairs.

One of the straps I just bought off one of my aunts for some dope. I told her to have the registered gun owner call LVPD to get the gun back. He does and what do you know there is NO record of the gun being taken or the cops even being at ny pad that night. I wonder what those dirty cops did with those three straps? And why the fuck not even report being at my pad. That changed my outlook on police, some of them are worst criminals then any career criminal I've ever met.

My life was very fast paced during that time. My fridge didnt have any food in it. Literally only meth bongs were stored in there. My mom tells me she's hungry and how do I eat. When the next call from someone wanting to come get some dope, I tell them what I want and have the. Stop and grab it and bring it to me.

My apartment at that time was a one bedroom condo I lived in by myself, but I was rarely ever alone. There was always traffic. I rented this condo from some little strung out rich kid for an ounce of dope per month. Luckily I was smart enough to get a rental agreement and convert the dope into the value of it as the rent amount and made him sign a copy. I had gotten alot of letters from the housing committee for these condos and they wanted the exterior cameras that I had put up taken down. Well there was no way in hell I was taking them down. So they sent the notice to the owner in California, the rich kid`father. He showed up one morning, I woke up to him with a locksmith trying to unlock the door. I open it and find out who he is and I go back inside and give him a copy of the rental agreement and told him he had to leave. Him and the locksmith left and I never heard anything from him again. But I had that whole apartment packed and moved into a haul that night and I out my shit in storage and moved into a weekly.

To be continued...