So after we get the back of the truck loaded and Kaleb loaded in the truck, off we go heading back to Cali. It is an understatement to say I was head over heels for him. We get back to Cali and get everything unloaded. We had gotten back in town just in time for him to go to work.
Then the reality of being back to being a full time single mom started to kick in. We started to fight. So come January 10, 2014 we decided to get married on one of our little Vegas weekend trips we’d make. I remember when we came back to Cali and his mom caught wind the first time she got me alone she tells me ‘idk why you married him he’s never been a provider.’ At that time I was completely offended and was like ‘I ain’t looking for anyone to take care of me.’ But of course years later I realized what she had meant.
We told no one about getting married. It was him, Kaleb and I. Looking back now I can realize how stupid I was and blinded by what I thought was love. I know I did fall in love with the family culture of Mexican families. It some something I never really knew growing up.
A lot of my memory over the last 10 years is kind of like bits and pieces. I know he had went to jail cause he had warrants. So he ended up being in there 30 days (the first time) I literally wrote him every single day. Just so he couldn’t question me about what I was really up to and all that shit but it never helped he still always did came out with his crazy accusations.
I remember being so floored because what he’d accuse me of was never even a thought and I’d wonder where the fuck it came from. Cause 9 times out of 10 that’s what he was doing. I was all about him, I seen no one but him.
I didn’t have any where to stay in Cali once we lost the house. So I’d often drive back in forth from Indio to Vegas. A few times I’d make that drive twice in a day. It was crazy. I lived out of storage units and stay in weekly’s.
Exactly 7 days after we got married. We were empting the last of our belongings from the house. He’s got his friends there helping or whatever . He decides to start going through my iPad and was trying to log into my account, well I kept giving him the right password and he was doing something wrong and couldn’t get logged in, got frustrated and took it out on me. He backhanded me so hard that my teeth busted thru my mouth. There was a gash in the side of my mouth that was just gushing blood everywhere.
I was devastated. I couldn’t believe he had just put hands on me like that. He would not allow me to go to get medical attention, in fear of me letting medical staff know what really happened to me. He kept me held up in the motel room we were staying at. Then I had to go to storage unit and go inside and talk to them. As I’m trying to tell them something my mouth starts gushing blood all over the counter. They get me some paper towels and I leave (embarrassed as fuck) he finally agreed to watch Kaleb so I could go to urgent care.
I made up some story about something falling off shelf and busting me in mouth. Since it had been almost 24 hours by the time I was able to get medical attention it was too late to get stitches. So nasty little scar I wear from that first time he put hands on me.
I was so confused because regardless of what he just did to me I still loved him like crazy and he was the only one in my world. I had nobody but him and who he allowed to be around me. So there wasn’t anyone around me to be like ‘hey something ain’t right’. Nobody there knew me. I was the new girl. I spent every day with him and Kaleb.
Breaking my belongings and putting hands on me became a regular thing. He was constantly breaking something or accusing me of shit. I was constantly appearing with some mark or bruising some where. Or knots on my head. I was clinging to this hope inside of me that ‘the truth always comes out, so he’ll see. Then all this abuse will stop and he’ll start treating me right.’ Ya that was such bullshit.
I remember one fight he busted in my windshield in his mother’s driveway. Then took off with my car key. I was living out of my car so it was a completely fucked situation. I called my family crying they got me and Kaleb a room and my car towed to the motel til I could get the windshield replaced in the morning.
I had no clue what was happening to me but all I knew was I was like straight addicted to him and the toxic relationship we had. I truly loved him unconditionally. Just to be treated so horribly. Not only lied to, abused, my stuff destroyed but cheated on all the time. I had bitches hitting me up to tell me about bitches he was fucking. I was constantly battling them. I see now when I should have never engaged in that shit but I did.
I fight anyone and everyone over him, he was MY HUSBAND! Little did I know or realize he was NEVER mine. He is textbook narcissistic. Back then I knew nothing about narcissist. So I really had no idea what I was involved and stuck in.
To be continued….
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